My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
