Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
