It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
