She's JV to your varsity
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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