i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
