No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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