he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I could make wine with my vomit
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
