I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
