you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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