can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
