I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
