look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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