and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize