so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
