I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
