Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
