Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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