Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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