forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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