So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
