Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
