need another drink. this is the easiest way
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
