Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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