Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
