Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
