Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize