All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
