my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
