Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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