I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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