I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
