hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
