oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
