THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
