I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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