i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
