based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
