I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
