Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
