I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
