Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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