just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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