worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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