I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
