my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize