her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
