He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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