I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He did a backflip because drugs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
