You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have aggressive nipples.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
false alarm, still single
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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