'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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