put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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