no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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