Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
