Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
