I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
