I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
