I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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